i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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