you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
