He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
