I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
