my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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