I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
