THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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