I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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