She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think my vagina is haunted
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
