I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize