I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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