last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
