It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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