come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
should my penis look like a turkey
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
