I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize