Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
BRING THE BAGELS
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
