you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
