her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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