The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
