I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
