Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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