Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's always time for handjobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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