Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
