there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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