I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
