i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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