youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
