saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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