I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
