ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
