I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
