I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
