i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
