I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
