Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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