you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize