I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
