Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
