is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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