Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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