Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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