Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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