You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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