you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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