I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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