two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
