8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
