so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
