I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
