I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize