My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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