you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
