Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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