i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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