these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
