its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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