He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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