I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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