so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This baby is an asshole
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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