Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
