shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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