i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
