you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drake has all the answers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
