She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i out mim tonsoeep
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
