I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
