____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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