My first STD was from a foam party
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
