At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
