All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
