I am puke
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
