when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
