Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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