I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
