i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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