They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
