if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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