just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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