I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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