so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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