Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
