Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
