I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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