Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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