whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
