Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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