there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
