I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
