I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
