I hate your face
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
