You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one two three fourrrrnication!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to rekindle our bromance
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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