Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
