My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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