So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
