the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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