dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
