So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
