Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize