WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
