He is an equal opportunity slut.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
