Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im part way to drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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