i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
