That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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