ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone signed my nipple.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
