remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
