she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
