when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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