I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
