I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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