Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
